Determination

This past week, William and I took some time and tried to run all of our "adult" errands that we possibly could in one afternoon.  Sadly, we didn't accomplish everything. But the most exciting part is that I received my acceptance letter, and have signed up for orientation for fall classes at Jefferson County Community College! This may sound like a simple right of passage to some, but this is something that I have desired to accomplish for a while now.  I've had to put it to the side for two years now, but year it is! I will officially be in school this fall! I feel like I've accomplished more than just getting in.  I feel like I've proven to all that I am determined to have a higher education, and that I will get it done.  Even if I am going to have to work and attend school full time. I am eager to be a student again.  I am excited to have to have papers again.  (: I feel like though the pressure should be on, it's like a thousand pounds off my shoulders!

-Michelle

Humbling Love

 "When the Lord is moving in people's lives, it's frustrating!  It's not simple! It's uncomfortable, and it can bring huge anxieties to our lives."  (Paraphrased)



Well we finally have an answer: Stress Induced IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome).   I am not so sure how much I truly believe that I am so stressed out that my insides are this effected, but that fact of the matter is: I do not have a degree, let alone a PHD.  So I need to humbly accept that I have to change my diet, and also I need to find ways to help alleviate key stresses in my life.

My heart is incredibly humbled by the man in this picture. He has taught me through many different lessons that he will walk through life with me.  We will make it together. Such a wonderful thing to know!

With that said, we have been subtracting foods mostly out of my diet, so that we can see what all is causing the most issues.  What have I decided?  That I am not eating gluten or dairy: we are half vegan.   (We are buying vegan products because the preservatives in most things have gluten, and also because it's easier when eliminating both gluten and dairy.  We are cutting how much meat we eat, but mostly for our budget. And that is how you can become a half vegan).   This has been a long, seemingly hard process for both of us.  

The doctor(s) gave us this diagnosis, and I was crushed.  I felt as though one was telling me that after all that I've lived, I couldn't handle something as "simple" as living in a new town, with the man that I love.  (Granted I do understand there were certain aspects that I didn't have to deal with that I do now when living abroad).    The Lord is teaching me what his humbling love really looks like, and I find that a very frustrating, yet encouraging place to be.  Encouraging because the Lord, He has truly brought me to a place where I am seeing my need for him. And frustrating because I can't. I can't do anything to make it all work.

I can't fix my bill of health.  Even though by tests, I have a perfect bill of health, I and my husband, can vogue that it's not that easy.  There is pain involved.  I can't take that away.  I can eat healthier, but that doesn't ever completely help or heal it.  Nothing that I cook, no health book that I read, can or will make me better. That's a frustrating bite to swallow.

But as I am learning, the beauty of everything that I have just said is that, the Lord is sovereign in this whole thing.  He is sovereign in this illness, and he is sovereign in my healing.  I may never know that freedom this side of heaven, but I can take comfort that when I don't feel well (or heck! when I do) the Lord is sovereign.   I don't have to do anything to make it better, and in that I find utter comfort.